Maybe it's good that I held onto the cross a little longer. Death seems to be everywhere this week - spring going back into hiding, all the news, some things unexpected.

It's one of the largest questions of faith for me and I don't have the answer and anxiety strikes had if I think too much about it. The ending of the known - and maybe this is why we cling so desperately to life, life at all costs even - because it is something we cannot know as our present selves. And maybe that's some of my trouble with the resurrection because it feels like too easy an answer.

Something I read about faith recently spoke of it is as letting ourselves fall into the darkness of God - and maybe death is that ultimate falling.

There is in God (some say)
A deep, but dazzling darkness; As men here
Say it is late and dusky, becayse they
See not clear.
O for that night! where I in him
Might live invisible and dim.

-The Night (John iii.2), Henry Vaughn