A dark night

There's a lot I don't write here because it's sometimes a little too much to share, but I needed to send a little cry for prayer out to the world tonight because I'm caught in a dark place - maybe sleep will provide something of a cure, but that's been pretty elusive of late.

It's not so big and yet it's everything and the looming threat of rejection is too much, too much. And I was going to Chicago this weekend in hope of finding my future, but tomorrow, tomorrow could change that - okay, put it off for a while, but that's painful enough.

I'm vague, I know, but I'm not sure I understand it well enough to make sense of it in words, except that someone else holds a big decision about my life in his hands, and I don't know how the cards will fall.