Saturday, March 12, 2005

On a more political note (forgive the length)

I’ve avoid writing too much about politics because it feels like it already consumes too much of my life. Once I get home I don’t want to think too much about the surreal world I work in because I spend enough time angry and depressed as it is. No, it’s more that I don’t know where to begin - what to complain about first or what is relevant to the nature of this blog - though I guess as to the second I can pretty much set my own terms. But what can I add to the debate that can’t be found on the myriad of specifically political blogs that are already out there? I’m not one for all of the down and dirty details and I don’t have any insider scoops, which seem to define a lot of political writing, to share. I simply have my little corner, my small organization, my limited experience and the seemingly unending frustration of the current political climate.

There’s a lot I just don’t understand about what happens - in the sense of how little people pay attention and how much those in power get away with. I’m thinking most recently about the whole budget debate. It’s hard to know whether to cry or to laugh it’s so outrageous. In broad strokes it's immoral (which makes one cringe at the devil in the details). We’ve got a deficit caused mostly by irresponsible tax cuts, so the solution is more tax cuts and slashing programs for the most vulnerable people in society?

Thinking about the story that Nathan used to convict David of his sin regarding Bathsheba - taking away the single lamb of a poor man (slashing programs for the most vulernable) to add the the wealthy man's flock (let's see just how many more tax cuts for the rich we can cram in now and still pretend to give a damn about the debt we keep racking up). Since when did compassion mean taking away more from those who have the least while giving more to those who need the least? To hell with economic theory, this doesn’t pass morality muster. I’ve always taken seriously the passage from Luke about responsibility - something to the effect of, “From those to whom much has been given, much will be expected.” And yet, our country’s wealthiest have been asked to sacrifice nothing to restore some fiscal sanity, much less to really address the magnitude of unmet need in our country and around the world.

And yet this is our "christian" president and "moral" majority? Some think it bad taste to question the personal faith of those in power, but, do not the rocks cry out at their hypocrisy? Faith is not ideology. Compassion is not a commodity to be bought by tax cuts.

All the talk about the tax cuts - the President and others saying they are just giving the people back what is theirs to begin with, that people know how to spend their money better than the government - is fundamentally flawed because to begin with everything is God’s, but also fails to recognize the extent to which society itself contributes to wealth. I am so tired of the myth of the “self-made man” that justifies the individualism and greed behind the President’s arguments. No person is “self-made,” much less those who have most reaped the benefits of the way our society is structured. The myth creates a sense of entitlement and refuses to acknowledge privilege. It creates the perception that if a person has wealth, they must somehow deserve it, no matter whether it is gotten at the expense of others in society. Does a CEO really deserve a salary hundreds of times those of lower-level employees who make a company run in the first place? Is it really right for a person to make millions by employing people at poverty-level wages?

I find it so interesting that those who push tax cuts are the same ones who oppose increases in the minimum wage - cutting any real kind of support for those on the lower end of the economic scale. Taxes and wage mandates hurt business - it is said. But the lack of them hurt people. I don’t pretend to know the balance, except that I know we haven’t found it yet. I just find that the fundamental problem with capitalism is that it puts too much emphasis on the product and the creation of wealth and not enough on the work and the workers. And, I’m reminded of the parable of the rich man storing up earthly treasures - to what end?

Look, I’m not so good with the details, but market fundamentalism is just as bad as any other fundamentalism. The idolatry of the market is simply trust in another false god. I guess this is why I believe in an activist government - something, some small way to counterbalance the greed and individualism driven by capitalism. I realize that government can just as easily become an idol, but isn’t that why we created a democratic system of checks and balances? We need something to step in and say that something is owed back to society, especially when so many of our churches are preaching a gospel of wealth.

This is why I have so much trouble with our country’s current leadership - because it is trying to undercut so many of the protections our government has so long provided. As hard as I try, I cannot ascribe good intentions to those in power because I see too well how their decisions hurt people. I am so frustrated that ideology continues to trump reality, that they think they can make black white and white black - it’s the worst kind of arrogance. No amount of believing can make supply-side economics work for the most vulnerable and no amount of marketing can make tax cuts for the wealthy a true symbol of compassion.
I write this in an awareness of my own privilege and my own deep feelings of guilt of how much I have been blessed with. I write also with an appreciation for personal responsibility (of which our dear president is hardly a shining example). But, I mourn the loss of a real sense of social responsibility in our nation. Look, I begrudge no one their millions (okay, I mostly don’t) - what I find unconscionable is that wealth is so concentrated in the hands of so few. How can I, much less one wealthier than I, justify my wealth in the face of so many with so little (and I haven 't even left the borders of our own country). I am uncomfortable with my comfort and I know I project that on to others, but there remains a fundamental imbalance that isn’t in need of economic theory for explanation.

Yes, problem is more basic than what government is able to do, but government is a primary defense against the tyranny of individualism (as is the church, but I've touched on that some already). All institutions, systems, ideologies are by their nature (to use theological language) sinful because they are created by humanity. And, as much as anyone else, I am aware of how government can be abused and abusive (ironically, it’s power has been most abused by those who think it should be less powerful, but I digress). I just find it interesting the intellectual dishonesty that on the one hand claims government as a human creation is inherently corrupt, yet on the other claims that economics, another human system, is above reproach - that the market will somehow automatically achieve the optimal distribution of resources - that some “invisible hand” will guide the process to the most efficient and just end. Let’s be honest - there’s always a human hand guiding the system and as such checks and balances are needed. And, people, government is NOT the enemy - entrenched idolatry is!

Which brings me back to the budget - I think. For all those cut off from services by the reductions in funding proposed by the President and Congress, there are no other alternatives. The private market has already proven that it cannot provide adequate health coverage for everyone - note the 45 million uninsured. Housing, child care, much less post-secondary education are unaffordable for many lower-wage workers. And, for as much as conservatives like to emphasize charity - the resources aren’t there to support the need and there is no correlation between the recent tax cuts and increased giving. Moreover, the way the tax cuts are structured is taking away a lot of the incentives for charitable giving, but that’s better explained by better number crunchers than I.

I guess it comes down to philosophy, though I’m less concerned with being “correct” about the way things are than about helping people. For all the abuses that are out there, I had simply rather err on the side of compassion. It’s far easier to demonize things than to work at making them better. It’s easier to blame people who are poor for their situation than to confront the systems and ideologies that contribute to their poverty. No, it’s not all institutional, and there’s just enough opportunity left in our country that a strong person can rise above his/her situation. But, wrong choices have much more dire consequences for those who start out with less - and this coming from someone who knows she’s been bailed out of more than a few mistakes.

Let me be clear, I don’t confuse government with the Kingdom of God, but I think the Kingdom is the standard by which we should judge the justice of our government. The Kingdom is present wherever the hungry are fed, the naked clothed, the sick healed, the poor lifted up, and the marginalized brought into community. I’m not interested in ideology; I’m interested in what works and what brings a little bit of the Kingdom here and now - and this President, this Congress, this budget fail the test.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Gringa

I went to the laundromat tonight to try to address the three weeks of backlog that's been spilling out of my bedroom closet. It's always a humbling experience. Reality check - a little dose of what it's like to be in the minority - me in all my gringa glory and painfully embarassed by my four loads of laundry, enough for family not to mention the closetful back at the apartment. Me and my stuff were intruding, though perhaps if I were less shy I could get a lesson or two in spanish - but I'm too busy judging myself in other's eyes.

And to think, today's work was all about priorities - sending another letter up to the Hill about the immorality of the President's budget which will likely be ignored becuase it didn't include any biblical references to sexual behavior, the seeming prerequisite for faith language to be taken seriously. Yes, cynicism. And then cursing the senators as they failed again to raise the minimum wage - bless them, four Republicans actually voted in favor. But here I sit with my guilt, now wondering how little those who made all the clothes actually made. The world I would create, but don't even live in myself....

Sueños como una realidad
que exista fuera de su alcance
Un pensamiento por Dios
y otro por el mundo
Ojos desconocidos en el espejo
me llaman a escoger

The moral of the story - the heart of christianity lies far from my four loads of laundry.

The music - Cordova by Amy Ray

Sunday, March 06, 2005

a night's prayer

see me as I am
behind the words
I throw out in distraction
to hide from you my insecurity
my lack of faith
love me as I would be
if not for the words
that place the distance between us
but that you find me
in this prayer

The Girl With the Weight of the World in Her Hands

I had too much wine at dinner tonight - in hope of relieving some of the burden that has been with me today. I suppose I could just blame it on the lack of sleep, except that it is what is driving my insomnia. Everything that happens becomes a question or a wall that I somehow feel a need to throw myself up against. And I carry all of it with me, the questions and the wall both.

Today we had a vestry meeting after church to talk about the potential for a capital campaign - anything dealing with money always leaves me with a heavy feeling. But the struggle is greater in this sense when I start looking at what the money we would want to raise would be going toward and I end up being embarrassed by my church. HOW much for a new organ again? It's a bigger problem than that of course - it's the tension between the formality of church as structure, as ritual, as a building and grounds....and church as simply ocmmunity that cannot and should not be contained within walls. On the one hand, I appreciate the beauty of the space, of the liturgy, of the mystery in the rhythms of the rituals - but there's a part of me that just wants to pick up a guitar, pile in a car with a few other folks, and head out to the mountains to pitch a tent and sing out hearts out in praise and worship. I miss the spontaneity and sense of abandon of the small group worship of my college days. I feel too "confortable" and I've always had this internal fear of comfort. And yet, I've never quite had the courage to let go of the formality, to quit playing "dress up" on Sunday morning.

It all makes me feel old, not fully alive - like I've grown up too fast and settled in too quickly. But there are deep undercurrents - if I could just break free of all the baggage (spiritual and material) I have somehow collected - the weight of the world I have created for myself that sometimes keeps me from what I see as a more authentic faith and life. I'm trapped in, to borrow a phrase, the "upper eschalons of mediocrity", or perhaps it is closer to what Paul means when he talks about not being able to do the good we want to do. Whatever the case, I am tired tonight, so I'll close out with bits from the Indigo Girls song that is tonight's theme music....

She won't recover from her losses,
She's not chosen this path, but she watches who it crosses
Maybe move to the right, maybe move to the left
So we can all see her pain she wears like a banner on her chest
And we all say it's sad, and we think it's a shame
And she's called to our attention, but we do not call her name,
The girl with the weight of the world in her hands.


I wonder which saint that lives inside a bead
will grant her consolation when she counts upon her need
It makes us all angry though we feign to care

But who will be the scale to weigh the cross she has to bear,
The girl with the weight of the world in her hands.


Pax,
A